It’s been a long week y’all. One of those seemingly endless weeks where you don’t have any idea what to even make for dinner on Friday. You don’t have the energy to eat out, plus you’re by yourself. You don’t want to deal with a drive-thru, so you know what? I’ve had a Jack’s pepperoni pizza in the deep freeze for a bit. I don’t want to really mess around with a frozen pizza because usually they’re pretty crummy, but my ultimate goal is to be at home making the ass shaped groove in my couch deeper.

You cool that thing at 425 for about 20 minutes, the outside looks sorta burnt, but the middle looks undercooked.

What the hell?

Too hungry and tired to care.

You take a bite into it… you know what? It isn’t that bad at all.

The second bite… damn… this pizza kinda kills.

By the time you’re halfway through you’re thinking about how much you NEEDED this pizza and how unexpectedly good the thing is.

That’s Slotherhouse.

A movie that you think, “yeah, this is going to be absolute shite, but it’ll kill a couple hours while it plays in the background.”

Wrong.

This is the movie you NEED after a draining week. It has heart, laughs, and some off the wall bat shit crazy moments. I found myself completely engrossed in every single second of the movie on my screen. I didn’t once think about the papers I had to grade, I didn’t think about how annoyed I am at my sales, I didn’t even think about how badly sunburnt my forehead was from having to sit through an outside pep rally.

This movie is pure escapism at its best. It’s the kind of movie you turn on to feel warm inside. It’s a comfort blanket when all you were looking for was a clean corner to sit cross cross apple sauce in for a bit.

If you’re flat out worn out and need to escape, need a water slide of over the top; there’s a movie out there where a sorority sister gets a sloth to increase her popularity so she can be sorority president. Yes. That’s the plot. The plot that they don’t tell you is how technologically advanced sloths apparently are and how much enjoyment you’ll get learning about the small dramas in the sorority house.

Every character is someone you’ll fall in love with and wish you could spend the day hanging out with. All of them have the oddest, funniest, most over the top quirks you can imagine.

Slotherhouse is the kind of movie Full Moon has been trying to make for the past ten years in the same way a Jack’s pizza is the pizza Digornio wishes it could be.